Freedom

Like a lot of teenagers, naivety was what I could vouch as one of my better known virtues. In other words I thought a lot about myself, felt I was smart , that I had an intelligent and smart way of handling any questions that sprang in front of me etc.

I remember when I was graduating, the farewell party had several rounds of intellectually challenging and socially stimulating tasks to choose the most popular students of the year. As far as I was concerned we all knew more or less who would get the crown but the juniors who organized the event gave us one other chance to prove that we were not anywhere in the run. So, for the final round question was "How do u define Women's lib or freedom for women " something with that tone. My answer for which I kick myself even today - I am a model of a free woman or an embarrassing equivalent. And then I spent the rest of my life figuring out that I was not as free as I had thought myself to be.

People around me have managed to convince me that they care for me so much that they would hate to see me in trouble and so have decided to make me answerable for everything I do lest I do it wrong. It has comfortably grown into my psyche that I make mistakes and these people can watch out for me and see that I don't. And to do justice to them I have had my share of proofs by belonging to the minority of the humans race who does not get a four wheeler drivers license on the first test, loosing my purse full of important documents, smashing the rear end of the car inside the garage and the list can go on. And as more and more people hinted me that I was not as good as I thought I was and that they had to be around to help me handle everything, it was easy to convince myself too.

One fine day my husband bought a bicycle which he decided was for me. My fear started the moment he said I was to try it while he was at office. My dilemma was whether it was better that I try it while he was there and prove it to him yet again that I cant remember an exercise which has been scientifically proven that humans once learned, cannot forget? or fall in front of strangers and embarrass myself? For a while I tried near the door, holding the wall and was not sure I could balance myself....

No marks for guessing it right. Yes...!! I took the latter option. Got up from the couch, got dressed with a sense of purpose, walked the bicycle to the car park, waited for a handy man to get into his car, while posing as though I was checking the air in the tires. Then took a deep breath and off I went, I wobbled , made three false starts and then I was go....go...gone...Took a round inside the block...Then my old fear came back and I thought may be I cant do it another time, got off the bicycle and started again....and I was so comfortable and felt so free...the feeling of being able to do anything, go anywhere. It was awesome...

The thought that crossed my mind was if someone asked me what was freedom then, I was sure I could answer it better this time around!